things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
babies were throwing up all over the place
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
