I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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