Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
