if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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