We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
