mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
