saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
