I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
