pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize