i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
