I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
