but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize