Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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