she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
