so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
