I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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