I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
