All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
