I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
