and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
