it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
