it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize