So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
