He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
