im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
