just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
