We're facebook friends in real life
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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