broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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