i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
