Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
smell my finger.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
