The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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