erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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