You really coming over, don't trick.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize