So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
