4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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