Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
