I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
She bit a glass in half.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
