I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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