If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize