Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize