well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
