i was born a porn star she said
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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