If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
