Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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