I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize