did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
thus making me awesome and them whores
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
