it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
