If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
