People with herpes should wear stickers.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
