Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
