i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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