My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
