I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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