yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
This is my gift to your gina
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
