it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
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