i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
