dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
