he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
