If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Is it penis luge time yet?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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