once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
