Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
