after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
