we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
