my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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