I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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