We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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