Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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