Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
