matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize